So Little Time

This is déjà vu... The kind that I don't want to have... The kind that gives you that same feeling... But only with a different person.

I can't believe I'm in this situation again.

This is the second time in less than a year that I'm feeling this way... And it seems to happen a few months before the end of something. This feeling of running out of time. It scares me... A lot.

I told a friend of mine today that I feel like I'm running out of time. Though she has no idea what I'm talking about and why I'm feeling this way, it just needs to be said... So that the universe could hear it. What scares me about this feeling is the fact that I get that urge to do something not thoroughly thought through. I almost did before. It was a good thing I got to talk to someone who I felt had the right things to say because I felt like she had the answer to my queries... Like she knew what would happen if I did go through what I was supposed to do. So I didn't do anything and I ended up not regretting anything and having a mind that is, somehow, at peace.

But this time... I have nobody.

Just a few days ago, this "thing" I've been keeping for the past few months have, finally, been revealed to a good friend of mine. Now, there are two people who know about this but the other one, the first one I confessed to, has no idea that this "thing" has progressed into something full-blown. That's the reason why I just had to tell another soul about this. It's just too much for me to take. I've never kept something this big to myself for this long. Almost half a year.

People know I'm still into the other guy. And even if I tell them I've moved on, I feel like they don't believe me. I can't blame them, though. I still talk about him... Little do they know that it's a diversion. Because I want to keep their curious minds away from this one... Away from HIM...

I'm writing about him now, though.

It's not only because the feelings I have for him are starting to overwhelm me. It's because of this feeling of losing him. Yes, I feel like I'm losing him. And I am. I am about to. And I can't do anything about it.

This is why I'm scared. Scared that I might do something I might regret just to try, to have a chance, to keep him. But it might end up in heartache... Again... I'm being careful. Really. I am. Because I can't have two heartbreaks in less than a year. It would be too much. I'm not that strong.