A few days ago, I let some of those feelings out in a short post. I asked myself much longer will I be able to last in this situation... I really was on the verge of a breakdown. Unfortunately, I had no one to talk to about it. That's my thing. If I'm too clouded by my emotions to write, a good talk would definitely be the cure.. But I had no one... No one who will understand... Which made it harder for me to keep myself together.
Now... I'm back... Writing again... But this doesn't mean that everything has passed... I guess I feel like I got some of my sanity back today. Thus, these words... They have found me again.
This isn't my first entry, let me tell you... I've already written an entry moments ago... Yes, I'm on a roll! That's how I'm so in the zone right now. I hope I'll stay in this for a while, though, because I still need to do my friend/life adviser's yearbook write-up. Haha!
Now, about that other entry... You won't find it here. I've posted it somewhere else... Because... Remember that journal I've mentioned before? Well, I've decided to put it up as a blog. Yes, another blog... And I feel gratified! I feel like I've accomplished something big. Or maybe I'm just looking forward to its purpose. I hope it won't fulfill its purpose soon, though... Not yet...
If I was a patient and someone was taking my history, writing would be my treatment and he or she would report it as, "It afforded temporary relief." Yes, just temporary. There's still a little something left inside me that I can't seem to describe other than "feeling weird" or "frustrated". Maybe more like torn? I'm not sure... See? I really can't describe it.
I've been thinking about a plan, lately... I'm close to wholeheartedly executing it because... Everyday, I feel like I'm dying. I want to get out of this. My heart is suffering too much, I can't control my emotions anymore. Mind you, I am having my rotation in Psychiatry right now... So I keep myself in check if I'm already having symptoms of depression... Talk about paranoia and nice timing, huh? My heart is making me feel like I'm mentally sick. Ugh.
So... Now that I have that new blog site, I feel like THIS one's going to be flying low for a while... Maybe... I'm still not sure... Because when I usually start something about "something", it suddenly ends before I can really say that I've began. Let's see... I still have time... I'm running out of it, though... But I'd like to think that I can still do something about it. I want to... I need to... Before I take that risk I've been wanting to do...
