One Hello From Paranoia

Writing that previous post, I thought I'd be ready for what might happen just in case he reads it...

I thought wrong...

This afternoon... A friend of mine and I were walking outside the school, talking about him... The Chosen One... My friend was telling me that she preferred The Other Guy (to refresh your memory, I'm referring to the barista) because she thought he looked better than TCO. I told her I already forgot about him since he already made his "in-a-relationship" status official on Facebook and I felt like I had no future with him since he's WAY younger than me. But my friend kept on insisting, defending her side with the "looks" argument. Of course, I defended TCO. But just before the words escaped my mouth...

Lo and behold!

From afar... A few meters from us... Crossing the street... There he was... I suddenly felt my chest tightening with this burning and aching sensation as if all the air escaped out of my lungs... I quickly started thinking, "Oh my gosh... I've pictured this scenario in my head many times since classes started... This is it...!" Another student was walking in front of us so he blocked him from my view as he reached our side of the street but when he passed by that student... I looked at him and gave him a smile and a wave hello. He said, or more like what I heard from him was, "Aix..." He waved but he didn't smile.

I think it took a few steps from that moment before I was able to take a deep breath... I didn't know what to think of that encounter, whether I should be ecstatic or be disappointed... Well, being emotionally chaotic, I felt both... I was ecstatic that I was able to say (or wave) hello to him... But disappointed at how he greeted me... I've greeted quite a number of our former classmates before and they all didn't hold their smiles back. But him... Wow... And that's when I started thinking...

Did he read my blog?

Having a mind prone to overthinking things, it's natural for me to become paranoid... I just might be jumping to conclusions that he DID read it... But getting that reaction from him just led me to assume he did. My friend and I did nothing but talk about that encounter when we got to this cafe we were headed to when we saw him. I told her that he might be thinking, "The nerve of this girl to greet me after what she wrote about me!" Maybe he just acknowledged me because I greeted him first and he felt obliged to say hello back at me. Is that it? Is that what he did? Oh... No...

My friend asked me about the last blog I posted so I let her read it just so I could get her opinion... What if he read it? How would he feel? Will he be mad? Will he be sad? Will he feeling nothing? Will it boost his ego? After she read it, she told me that if she was him, she'd feel like she's at a loss not being able to know that I had those feelings... I wanted to believe her... But then again, she's my friend...

If I were true to my words, this post would never exist... But when it comes to matters of the heart, I can't seem to keep the promises I make to myself.... So, the last post about him? That's my bullsh*t... I'm not yet over... This will never be over... And I don't know when all THIS will finally be over...

Oh, by the way... That moment when I was about to defend TCO's looks to my friend? What I was about to tell her was...

I love his smile...